A few days ago, a thought came across me and it brings me back to my previous analogy about job hunting/dating. I find myself getting to the first date stage (interview) but then never get past this point. Could it be because of my physical appearance? I brought this point up to my mom and she said that would be discrimination, yes, that is true but what made me think even harder was she didn't say something characteristic of what a mother would say to her daughter like, "Oh, hunny don't be riculous, you are beautiful"... so maybe it is my physical appearance. I have always been self-concious even in grade school when I was considered to be 'skinny', 'young' and 'beautiful'. I am definitely lacking in the self confidence department, especially now that I am over-weight and seem to be getting bigger by the year. I am in my mid-twenties, other factors I have to consider now are aging and looking less attractive. This is a picture that I took of myself, I don't consider any part of myself photogenic, in fact, I always avoid havign my picture taken because once they get posted on facebook (and they alwys do), I am always in shock of how I look physically. I am surprised if anyone found me to be attractive. I don't understand it, I am a fairly active person, I don't really have a sendentary life style, I don't eat that much, I binge eat on occasion but lately I have been wating alot better, avoiding processed foods and have almost completly avoided gluten. I think today I am going to eliminate refined sugars as I do tend to indulge in sweets. I love excercising, yoga, working out and outdoor activities. I guess maybe I am not working hard enough... tomorrow I get my HST/GST credit so I am going to sign for a month of hot yoga which is an amzing work out and I could achieve some results. I'm sick of beign the fat girl, I wanna be that sexy bitch that walks down the street and all the guys ogle, holler and whistle at. Yah, that will be my motivation. Perhaps, today I will go for a rollerblade.
