Ch.1

 The first week into January 2012, I started talking with a strapping young fellow. We spoke on the phone for about two weeks and things just seemed too good to be true. We got along famously and chatted for hours every night. I should have been focusing on my studies but I was just so enamoured with this fellow. I was so convinced that this guy was the 'one' that I had no insecurities about our first meeting or what he would think of me. The 2-week mark came around and we had finally set a date to meet. Towards the end of our 2-week telephone randez-vous, he started to make more sexual comments. I overlooked this insight and concluded that perhaps it was his methodology in staying out of the 'friend zone'. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I always do. We finally met and things started off horribly. He picked me up and we had plans to go out for dinner. Our initial meeting was not awkward or anything it just felt like two good friends meeting after not having seen each other in some time. We hugged, it felt nice. Then we proceeded to go out for dinner. We arrived at Boston Pizza, he said he wanted to use a gift card he had received for Christmas. I mentioned that Boston Pizza was probably the worst choice for a dining establishment but we went anyway. We arrived and were seated. Things were a bit weird. I think at that time was his deciding point that he really wasn't that into me. You know the saying, usually within the first three minutes you can tell if you like someone or not. I think for him it was like 3 seconds. We ordered drinks, he ordered a double. I guess he wanted to get a head start on things. He then realised he forgot his wallet. To this day, I still don't know if this REALLY was the case [more on this later]. I told him I would pay for the drinks but to cancel our dinner, I was a student and I really could not and did not want to pay for dinner and besides, no one really WANTS to eat on the first date. We left the restaurant in a frantic search for his wallet. He concluded that he forgot his wallet at home. Despite how shitty and awkward this first impression was, I still wanted to continue our date. So we, detoured to the liquor store and picked up a 6 pack of Old Mils... I payed, obvi. We went back to my place and my roomate had a bunch of people over so it wasn't really the cliche type of, 'Lets-go-back-to-my-place'. I awkwardly introduced him to my roomates, we went into my room and nervously chatted about our mutual interests like music. I put on my shitty Ipod dock and played my playlist from 3 years prior; a mix of Motown classics, Feist and Neil Young. He dug it. I skipped through a Feist song, he told me to put it back, I did not. We drank. I sat in my swivel computer chair and he lay on my bed. After the second tall-can, I joined him. Not in an effort to be seductive by any means, I was just legitimately tired and wanted to lay down. As I layed down, I faced my back towards him and iterated that I had no intention of fooling around with him and I really did not, I genuinely liked him. He mentioned something about not being able to lay in a bed with a woman and not be turned on. I think at this point, our conversation turned into flirtatious, drunken, pillow talk. I asked him, still with my face turned away, if we were going to snuggle? I made the first move. We cuddled, that was the first and probably the last time. 

1 year later

To my amazement, I just rediscovered my personal blog...over a year later. Looking back, so much has happened in the past calendar year but I am still loveless and jobless. After I wrote my last post in July 2011, I ended up getting a job at a camp as a cook, a job which my friend helped me land. I was working for her. Whilst it was great as a temporary cash boost, it did not do much for morale. Shortly after, I realised its not where I wanted to be in life. That September I enrolled at University to complete my B. Sc. during this time as well, I was still dating my ex and had made a shocking discovery that cannot be divulged for its far too personal. After the discovery, I became severely depressed and was on the verge of quitting school. I dropped my course load from 2.5 credits to 1.5 but still did terribly. I pushed myself until I finally got a much deserved break. The Christmas holidays rolled around and gave me an opportunity to re connect with my friends and family and helped immensely. I slowly started pulling my self out of my little hole and started working out every other day as a means of dealing with stress and depression. My marks started to improve but were still not up to University or personal standards. I managed a full course load but still only passed about half my classes. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I immersed myself into the dating scene once again and started an online profile. Some dates lasted 1 night, others 7 months.